S.T.O.P.! Speak up and Tell On Predators....... is a program I designed to bring awareness, prevention education and empowerment to children and parents in my small Maryland community. After struggling with the effects of child sexual abuse by a family member and keeping "my secret" for 25 years, I wanted to help victims going through the same traumatizing ordeal and hopefully prevent others from enduring what I did. Unfortunately many cases of child sexual abuse end in a tragedy no parent can ever be prepared to handle.
Sandra Cantu, an innocent 8 year old beautiful girl fell victim to the least likely predator. The mother of her 5 year old playmate living several doors down from her seemingly "safe neighborhood."
Melissa Huckaby was also known as a local Sunday school teacher at her grandfather's church in their town of Modesto, CA. The details of Sandra's tragic death include, lewd and lascivious acts and rape with a foreign object before she was placed in a suitcase and dumped like trash in a drainage pond. Sandra was so young, so innocent. She had a full life ahead of her taken away in an instant. Sandra's now grieving mother never imagined this would happen to her precious daughter, just as we all tend to believe it would not happen to our child either. "Not me, not my child." "My child would never let that happen because I talk to my child about good and bad touch."
Which brings me to discuss "relative danger" as therapist and award winning author, Erin Dolgan, M.A. LPC of Denver, Colorado explains brilliantly on her website, www.relativedanger.com. In my opinion (the writer) "stranger danger" is almost a thing of the past that many now 30+ aged individuals such as myself were taught as children. The "stranger" who offered you candy to lure you in their vehicle, or asked for help finding their lost pet.
In today's society, we now have "relative danger," predators known to their victim. This includes neighbors, teachers, coaches, doctors, members of clergy, counselors, individuals close to the family, and most alarming.....their own family members. According to www.darknesstolight.org, 90% of victims are sexually abused either by someone close to the family whom they trust, or by a family member. Yet much of society chooses to ignore these statistics and the growing crime amongst our children.
Is this due to fear of scaring children? Or is it because we are too afraid to discuss it openly within our community because we may "offend" someone? If so, how can a child protect themselves from a potential predator if they have not been educated and empowered to act on the situation correctly and run? How will children that are uneducated on this topic know the difference between a "good touch" and "bad touch" when the predator is someone not only they trust and perhaps love, but their parents trust as well? Will that child be able to recognize how they are being manipulated and fooled by their predator? Will that child know how to tell, once their predator inflicts shame, guilt and fear on the confused child? I would rather take the chance of "scaring" my child rather than burying my child or have my child live with the lifelong scar of sexual abuse. We have similar discussions with our children about alcohol, sex education and other topics that every parent bares responsibility in discussing to protect their child. Why should this be any different? The more we discuss this topic openly with our children, the less fearful they will be and more empowered they will feel should they be put in such a situation.
"What we keep from discussing with our children is what may ultimately hurt them most."
